On the Eve of 40

On the Eve of 40 I find myself incredibly grateful for 40 wonderful years, never knowing one without my Heavenly Father’s steadfast love and care. I am also grateful for Eternity, because here, around the halfway point, I reflect that there is so much still to learn, so much still to do, so many people I would like to have better conversations with, so much of God’s goodness that I have only begun to understand. What I cannot get to in this life will have to be completed in the Life to come.

A little discouraged sometimes, maybe, because I am so far from the person I thought I would be by now. I thought by now I’d be more deliberate about things, that I wouldn’t take so long to make up my mind, that I would be writing more, that I would have a menu plan and be a better dresser. Still dealing with the same stupid sins that I have forever. And nothing interesting either….just the usual suspects: procrastination, laziness, selfishness. All the problems that for 40 years I’ve attributed to circumstances around me, I find are largely attributed to the fact that I am, well,….me.

And praise God that He is God! He is redeeming this sinful girl (or do I have to say “woman” now that I’m 40?) and remaking me into what He actually intended. When He is done with me, then I guess I will be done. Literally! And I’ll be with Him! In the meantime, what a life! He’s given me what I’ve always wanted: His love and forgiveness, the love of my family around me, meaningful work and creative outlets. Friends to walk through life with, and His creation to learn about along the way.

I need to take off my sandals. I am on holy ground.

My Ebenezer

This hymn puzzled me as a child when we sang it at church.

Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thy help I'm come.

The only Ebenezer I could reference was that mean old guy in the Christmas play with all the creepy ghosts. Why would I want to raise him? I don't think he helped me do anything!

When I was older, I became enlightened and learned about the original Ebenezer in the Bible. Ahhh! :

I Samuel 7:12 Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer saying, "Thus far has the LORD helped us."

I love this real, tangible reminder of God's help that Samuel set up for the Israelites, and I know that I also need those tangible reminders of the great things God has done in my little life. I am so forgetful, and when God does something which at the time seems miraculous, it becomes easy to look back on it with nonchalance. And nonchalance at His goodness and faithfulness is NOT what He has commanded me to teach the next generation. So last fall, when God yet again did what I would have called impossible only the month before, I decided it was time to set up real tangible reminder of what His faithfulness through the years. Here is my Ebenezer!

It's currently on my mantel, but as I collect rocks from all the places God takes us and all the impossible things He does, I'm hoping I'll have to build an Ebenezer patio or waterfall or something.

By the way, a friend thought I'd had the words etched on expensively, but it's actually just a Sharpie. Where would we moms be without Sharpies?